Thoughts #7

During the most troublesome time of my life, first time out in the real world, where I don't know where to go or what to do, confused and scared of what the future holds for me, I met this lady whom I will call E.

E and I became instant friends since we were on the same boat at that time. I treated her like a sister, no secrets, no walls, no barriers. To me (I dont know on her part), I believe we have been a teacher, an adviser, and a family to one another. I have always been blunt and frank with my feelings and point of views, and so does she... we understood each other perfectly... or so I thought.

Eventually we parted ways, I got married, she migrated, I migrated then she got married... we kept in touch thru email and as members of an egroup. Then I notice the big change in her, she became proud and a snob. hmmmm... probably influence by living in north america? or probably because she had accomplished a lot on her own? She became so defensive and argues with everybody in our egroup. A 1-sentence would yield 2-3 paragraphs of "defensive" response from her even if the message is for the general public.

And worst, during our first few months here, she look down on me and my hubby saying we wouldn't last in Canada with the way we were spending... well, we survived! Thanks to GOD's never ending blessings! Hence my question: how could a "friend" be your worst enemy?

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that emails, egroups, and blogs can create friction and a lot of miscommunications. Why? Because we may be posting something nice but to the reader its offensive... we may be sharing our most intimate experience/feelings (good and bad) but to the reader you are just showing off or possibly exaggerating or making things up... we may be joking but to the reader its not funny... we may be giving logical advice on biological clock for example but to the reader "its none of your business."

To my fellow bloggers, if ever I did make a comment in your and/or my blog that offended you or that you didn't like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Feel free to delete it. It was an honest mistake. But please let me know by sending me a private email.

I blog hop a lot and most of the time I'm the quiet reader just lurking around... and if I don't have anything good to say or I can't relate to the topic, I keep my mouth shut... and if I don't like the content of a blog, I will never waste my time posting "rude" comment/s nor will I ever go back.

I respect other people's blog as I will like them to respect my blog. Cheers!

And now I leave you with this -- What Will Matter by Michael Josephson

19 comments:

Kevin Lam said...

I think I can say that I had knew you long enough. For all these years that we have known each others and keep on communicating (thanks for the magic of internet), I think I knew exactly who you are pertaining to.

I can leave comment and pretend not to know who this E you are pertaining to. But I guess the accounts that you described fits 99% to that person.

This is just my personal view, as I read your message, you start-up your narration on how you 2 starts to become friends. At that time, both of you are equal and levelled, so there was no conflicts. then time passed and things changed, like marriage and migration, that's where the comparison comes in, as you mentioned you two started when you are at the lowest time in your life, maybe this person prefer you to stay that way? but now that she saw it's not, she became what she is now when confronted with you.

Another personal view, since both of you started during the most troublesome time. Now that she have lifted-up so she thought she was more "superior"?

Anyway, whatever it was, we can not pleased everyone, the most important things in life is that we are content and happy with what we have and own. That's enough.

Ka Uro said...

i can relate to everything you've written as i was once a victim of such a misunderstanding. it is because we have different backgrounds, different upbringings and may come from different social classes that's why we interpret things somewhat differently. but i think if we believe in the inherent goodness of other people and trust them more, then it makes it more difficult to be offended by anything they say. however if we are always distrustful of others we become paranoid and will tend to interpret everything they say whether it be good, bad, funny, or serious as something negative towards ourselves.

JO said...

Hi Lam, I don't really want to judge E, some people say that she's already like that back in college days... I didn't know her back then, so I can't really tell.

Ka Uro, we are all victims at one point in our lives... kakalungkot ngang isipin kung kailan tumanda na tayo at dapat ay mas mature na, pero heto pa rin ang mga taong ng aasal bata...

kai said...

I used to have a friend, a very, very good friend that we used to share a room, an apartment, same work, same circle of friends, she's like a sister I never had. I even got so involved in her life that I know her ins and outs. She got married and her pre-wedding preparation to the ceremony down to the reception was thanks to me. She was retrenched from our company due to slow business and had me blamed for not defending her and her position. What can I do? I was not the Managing Director. It happened two months before my wedding where she's one of my matron of honor. A week before the wedding, without any reason at all, she moved out of the city to her hometown without telling me or anybody. I had to cancel her dress and I was so mad at her. She left with no explanation and at the end of the day, when everyone was asking her what happened, she got the nerves to tell them that I don't care about her at all, yakity yakity yak. I confronted her and gave me a lot of excuses and even subjected me to some emotional mind games. Tsk. Sayang. I thought she will be my friend forever. I haven't heard anything about her and it's almost four years now.

Just be yourself, Jo and you will have more friends than you could ask for. Friends whom you can keep past your golden years.

Linnor said...

true friends are hard to come by. if you're blessed to find one, treasure him/her. :D

JO said...

Hi Kai and Linnor,

Kaya nga I treasure my best friends from my high school days... sabay sabay kaming ng mature... communication is always there! and even though we don't see each other everyday (2 of them are in taiwan, 2 in the philippines and 1 in vancouver), when we do see each other its like we were never apart! These 5 gals has been with me from the beginning...

As the saying goes "it is better to have few friends of great value than to have many friends of little value." (or something like that, can't remember the exact words).

Duke said...

hello jo! people do change through time and it's quite hard to keep track let alone understand what a person really meant through a comment on email or blog. The voice factor becomes important also and how we interpret what was written but I do admire you for being tactful and responsible in commenting.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Hey there Jo. (this the other jo haha) I think you are a nice person. In my blog, you can comment any way you like haha, ayan ...that's a privilege. Keep bloggin'. Blogging is about you....not them naman di ba?

jo

denden said...

i can soo relate with this post. and i love the "what will matter article".

thanks for posting it. have a nice day :)

JO said...

Hi Duke, the other Jo and Denden,

thanks for your kind words.

evi said...

I learned this from my mom, "if you have nothing good to say about the person, say nothing."

vangie said...

i don't think you have anything to worry about because you're one of my sweetest blog friends. even in others' blogs, i've never seen you write anything in the least bit offensive.

JO said...

Hi Evi, that's very true indeed!

Thanks Vangie.

Junnie said...

hey JO. one of the best things in life are people who we classify under the letter "F"

- Family
- Friends
- Foes - without them, this world is such an uneventful boring one....

go for it! live life to the fullest - as long as you're not hurting people, apologies shouldnt exist.

cruise said...

people change, dami na rin akong ganyang encounter. minsan affected ako minsan ok lang kasi sanay na ako. natututo na rin akong mag let go, enjoy the friendship while it last, pero kung tapos na, alalahanin ko nalang yung magagandang alaala na naiwan :)

atoy said...

Bumibilib na ako sa yo Jo. Totoo kang tao. Hindi ka takot magpahayag na yong damdamin. Noong una mang comment mo tungkol sa aking anak may kagat ang yong sinulat. Even you comment mo kay KU noong isa article nakakatulong para mabigyan ng kaalaman ang mga tao. Ok ka!

JO said...

Thanks Junnie and Cruise.

Hi Atoy! Thanks! I have high regards for your blog and KU's. Always present ako sa blog niyo.

Enjoy your weekend!

ANALYSE said...

hi jo, there are people who reacts negatively to change..instead of adapting the good side, they tend to go the other way around..i guess it's lack of maturity. i had the same experience too, a friend of mine from HS. she always thought she's better than me, of course, there's no doubt about it, she's our valedictorien. but then, i started my life earlier than her, and even gained better than her..then the conflict started, she started ignoring me, as if i wasnt existing, we had group emails too but never received any hi or hello from her, inspite of my constant hi to her...oh well, it's tiring in the end so i gave up...

JO said...

Hi Analyse, I agree with you 100%